But okay, he can roll with it. He's not going to insult him; he was just worried. Still kind of worried, but Minato focuses on what Shinji's saying instead of whatever potentially happened to him.]
I know you care and that you can't handle everything alone. That's true for everyone. [Even Minato.] I thought you were uncomfortable talking about it, though.
i dunno part of me thinks it wont fix anything or will just make it all harder since this place'll be gone for us as soon as we port out but then again maybe that's all the more reason for me to stop fucking off
you know years back i made a promise to aki that we were gonna get stronger and do what we thought was right and i never thought i broke that. i thought keeping away and taking those suppressants would be best for everyone
no one else gets killed maybe they forget or get mad at me and dont hurt as much when i kicked it but lately i dont know
[At least Minato recognizes this is likely his only chance. And the response isn't even unreasonably delayed, that brain-to-text filter seemingly removed.]
he's not flipped out or anything and someone offered to help me practice with him but i liked it better not having to worry about it just thinking i could handle it all before didn't work out and i don't want shit to go wrong again and i wonder if my worrying about it just makes it worse or more violent
the other ones okay. i don't know if i mentioned that i've had two since i got back she doesn't act out. i think that's what they're supposed to do?
[There's more of a pause there- but he promised Jaime that the Spine-AI stayed on the downlow. He was pretty adamant about his secret identity-- and Shinjiro had only know anything about it, due to the unfortunate incident of it wanting to murder his snake with a huge gun-arm.]
he doesn't want anyone to know about his powers. otherwise i'd say.
[Sorry, Leader. But despite the discomfort that comes with talking about Personas, he pushes through. it's the only way to really get closer to people, right?]
i feel like there's stuff i'm forgetting about home ever since i got back and not just the persona thing her names Alice mudo skills and status ailments mainly. i've not tested her out here.
I had Alice for a while. I liked her. [You like all your Persona, Minato.] I'd like to help you try them out, if that's okay. I've never had any problems with my Persona and I think that if we tried, I could help.
[It's been silently killing him to have something he could help a friend and teammate with all this time, and yet he's been unable to out of respect for the distance Shinji's put on the subject.]
yeah not tried much, other than just summoning out in the middle of nowhere, seeing where it's at it's just like when i first started. usually he's fine, but it's exhausting to keep it in line.
i thought she was one of yours i wouldn't mind that. i just don't know where to start. you and elizabeth know the most about personas, I figure.
[A pause.]
thats another one of those things i feel like i'm forgetting i swear i know her. i know she's got something to do with personas and asks people to bring her shit but i don't have any specific memories of ever seeing her outside of here
I have my Persona with me from the final fight, so I shouldn't be in any danger. I can cast reflective shields. I think it will help if you let loose a little bit.
That is weird. Do you think you're a Wild Card now? Do you know what that is?
yeah that's what i've been trying its hard. i don't mind testing it out with you sometime.
that's like what you do, right? no i don't think so castor and her definitely aren't the same if that makes sense like he's there and i can use her skills but she doesn't replace him
So you can use them both at once? Maybe it would make sense to focus on Alice for a while. Even if everything else were perfect, if you expect Castor to give you trouble, he will. He can only reflect how you feel about him. [Which is, you know, how you feel about yourself, but Minato can't bring himself to be that blunt. It seems almost cruel.]
just not used to it i guess i guess it's like trying to figure out how to not think about something or relax or whatever trying to force yourself to just makes it harder
so yeah summoning him and letting him go free or whatever is hard
guess so. so far i havent needed a persona here so hopefully that'll keep up but if i do i might try and use her more. too bad i'm shit with the more magic-type skills
you make it sound easy but thats vague as hell trust yourself and not doubt it or whatever like where do you even start with that abstract bullshit
megidola, mind charge, die for me, impure touch, evil smile, and lethargy circle castors got heat wave, fatal end, blade of fure, powercharge, and then his countering and regen
It's the difference between something you know you can do well with your eyes closed, and something you watch carefully to make sure you've done it right.
[Wait, maybe that's not less vague... That's what you get for speaking to Minato.]
That's a good list. It's nice to see you have some abilities aside from physical; you'll be effective against a wider range of enemies.
....so basically when you can do it without thinking, you've got it?
i dunno how some've them will work on things other than shadows, but it ain't like there's a lot to practice on here. as much as those things sucked, they were good for training on
Sort of. You have to do it without hesitating. You still hesitate, don't you?
For a country in a war, it's surprisingly peaceful, isn't it? I suppose I shouldn't argue. I know some friends that wouldn't mind training with us if you'd like experience against other targets.
[Maybe as leader he should enforce regular training sessions... Hmm.]
[Any other time, and he'd evade that first question. He doesn't hesitate in pulling the trigger on his evoker, usually. Not anymore, not since he was starting off. But mentally-- of course. There's always that apprehension, not knowing how the situation will turn as soon as he calls the Persona forth.]
yeah but hesitating or not isn't going to fix it
i think everything going on in the war is just information and spying and shit if you think that practicing with others would help, i'd go along with it but i don't know that would help.
There's nothing that will 'directly' help, senpai. Persona are part of your subconscious, so we can't be direct.
You'll have to be patient. I think using your Persona as much as possible in a variety of circumstances is what you'll have to do. You'll lose control a few times. It's okay. Me or your friend or someone else who can take it will be there.
You have to do that and face it in order to move past it.
so far he's not come out without me summoning him but i keep wondering when that's gonna change
it's a huge gamble to put on 'be patient and try hard'. i don't mind trying it out not like i have a choice here but it sucks that theres no better fix for it
[There's a long pause, almost half a minute, as Minato decides how blunt to be here while Shinji's in his sharing mood. He doesn't want to take advantage of him, so not too much, but he won't flinch away either.]
Changing what's inside you is slow and hard. How you think of yourself, how you look at the world... It was only through accepting others' influences on me that my Persona grew stronger. That took a long time.
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But okay, he can roll with it. He's not going to insult him; he was just worried. Still kind of worried, but Minato focuses on what Shinji's saying instead of whatever potentially happened to him.]
I know you care and that you can't handle everything alone. That's true for everyone. [Even Minato.] I thought you were uncomfortable talking about it, though.
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thats all
[That is, he doesn't really get it himself- hasn't put any thought past that motivation. Isn't it enough?]
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[Had he misread Shinjiro?]
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part of me thinks it wont fix anything or will just make it all harder
since this place'll be gone for us as soon as we port out
but then again maybe that's all the more reason for me to stop fucking off
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All those years we could have made connections...
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that we were gonna get stronger and do what we thought was right
and i never thought i broke that. i thought keeping away and taking those suppressants would be best for everyone
no one else gets killed maybe they forget or get mad at me and dont hurt as much when i kicked it
but lately i dont know
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Senpai, I've been meaning to ask. Since you got back, how has your Persona been?
[If Shinji's in a sharing mood, Minato isn't ashamed to take advantage of it. This is a topic he's been sitting on his hands about for months.]
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he's not flipped out or anything
and someone offered to help me practice with him
but i liked it better not having to worry about it
just thinking i could handle it all before didn't work out and i don't want shit to go wrong again
and i wonder if my worrying about it just makes it worse or more violent
the other ones okay. i don't know if i mentioned that
i've had two since i got back
she doesn't act out. i think that's what they're supposed to do?
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[Minato has a lot he wants to say on this subject, but he's waiting until he knows all the available facts before opening up himself.]
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he doesn't want anyone to know about his powers.
otherwise i'd say.
[Sorry, Leader. But despite the discomfort that comes with talking about Personas, he pushes through. it's the only way to really get closer to people, right?]
i feel like there's stuff i'm forgetting about home ever since i got back
and not just the persona thing
her names Alice
mudo skills and status ailments mainly. i've not tested her out here.
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I had Alice for a while. I liked her. [You like all your Persona, Minato.] I'd like to help you try them out, if that's okay. I've never had any problems with my Persona and I think that if we tried, I could help.
[It's been silently killing him to have something he could help a friend and teammate with all this time, and yet he's been unable to out of respect for the distance Shinji's put on the subject.]
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not tried much, other than just summoning out in the middle of nowhere, seeing where it's at
it's just like when i first started. usually he's fine, but it's exhausting to keep it in line.
i thought she was one of yours
i wouldn't mind that. i just don't know where to start. you and elizabeth know the most about personas, I figure.
[A pause.]
thats another one of those things i feel like i'm forgetting
i swear i know her. i know she's got something to do with personas and asks people to bring her shit
but i don't have any specific memories of ever seeing her outside of here
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That is weird. Do you think you're a Wild Card now? Do you know what that is?
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its hard.
i don't mind testing it out with you sometime.
that's like what you do, right?
no i don't think so
castor and her definitely aren't the same if that makes sense
like he's there and i can use her skills but she doesn't replace him
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So you can use them both at once? Maybe it would make sense to focus on Alice for a while. Even if everything else were perfect, if you expect Castor to give you trouble, he will. He can only reflect how you feel about him. [Which is, you know, how you feel about yourself, but Minato can't bring himself to be that blunt. It seems almost cruel.]
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i guess it's like trying to figure out how to not think about something or relax or whatever
trying to force yourself to just makes it harder
so yeah summoning him and letting him go free or whatever is hard
guess so. so far i havent needed a persona here so hopefully that'll keep up
but if i do i might try and use her more.
too bad i'm shit with the more magic-type skills
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We'll get you to a point where you can trust yourself, senpai. I promise.
What skill set does she have for you? It's best to have a way to fight, in case anything unexpected happens.
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trust yourself and not doubt it or whatever
like where do you even start with that abstract bullshit
megidola, mind charge, die for me, impure touch, evil smile, and lethargy circle
castors got heat wave, fatal end, blade of fure, powercharge, and then his countering and regen
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[Wait, maybe that's not less vague... That's what you get for speaking to Minato.]
That's a good list. It's nice to see you have some abilities aside from physical; you'll be effective against a wider range of enemies.
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i dunno how some've them will work on things other than shadows, but it ain't like there's a lot to practice on here.
as much as those things sucked, they were good for training on
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For a country in a war, it's surprisingly peaceful, isn't it? I suppose I shouldn't argue. I know some friends that wouldn't mind training with us if you'd like experience against other targets.
[Maybe as leader he should enforce regular training sessions... Hmm.]
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yeah
but hesitating or not isn't going to fix it
i think everything going on in the war is just information and spying and shit
if you think that practicing with others would help, i'd go along with it
but i don't know that would help.
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You'll have to be patient. I think using your Persona as much as possible in a variety of circumstances is what you'll have to do. You'll lose control a few times. It's okay. Me or your friend or someone else who can take it will be there.
You have to do that and face it in order to move past it.
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but i keep wondering when that's gonna change
it's a huge gamble to put on 'be patient and try hard'.
i don't mind trying it out
not like i have a choice here
but it sucks that theres no better fix for it
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Changing what's inside you is slow and hard. How you think of yourself, how you look at the world... It was only through accepting others' influences on me that my Persona grew stronger. That took a long time.
I'm confident that you can do it, too.
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